So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
