my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
