who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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