you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
