she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need a burrito and a hug.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
