I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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