Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize