Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
