I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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