oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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