Your dad touched me again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
