hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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