saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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