he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
