she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i've created a new STD.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
