My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
worst night to have a conscience
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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