So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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