Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
