She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
