I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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