When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
