Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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