Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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