Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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