im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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