he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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