Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
