he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
