drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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