why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
