Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
