Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
