I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
