just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
