drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
