Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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