I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
