I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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