I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
false alarm, still single
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
