Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
