watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
