Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
