i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
