My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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