Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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