Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
