Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
