hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
