I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
