I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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