Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
