It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
