do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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