whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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