I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
