you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
