I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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