Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
