he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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