Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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