why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize