you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
