Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just cropdusted the office
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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