i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
