I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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