Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
