My sheets look like a crime scene.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
