Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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