but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
