Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Randomize
