Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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