girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
don't judge my taste in strippers
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
