i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
