Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
