I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
