all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
