You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
