piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
