smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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